Premature ejaculation (coming too quickly) is one of the most common of all sexual problems. Around 10 per cent of men may be affected.
The first approach is an educational one. Ignorance, fear, shame and anxiety feed upon themselves, and the first goal of almost every sexual therapy approach is to put things into perspective.
Fact: According to Robin Saxon, the noted British sexologist, most men reach orgasm within two minutes of starting coitus. The normal range is 10 seconds to three minutes. Moreover, this normal range of 10 seconds to three minutes is a figure covering all age groups. It is another fact that younger men reach orgasm faster than older ones.
If you properly grasp the significance of this statement, it almost proves that there is no such thing as premature ejaculation.
When you ask a man complaining of premature ejaculation, 'Premature for what?' it usually turns out that it is premature for his 'image' of what his lasting potential should be.
Nearly all men, at one time or another have failed to achieve and/or lost their erections prior to or at the moment of intimacy. There are many reasons for this, but the event itself is so common that it should also be considered 'normal'.
How, then, does it become a problem? It becomes one when a man decides that there is something wrong with him and subsequently keeps asking the question "Will it happen again?"
Hypnotherapy can be used to psychologically reduce the level of stimulation, to increase self-esteem, self-confidence and to address performance anxiety issues.
It is more common in younger men - which is not surprising, as there's a distinct tendency for it to improve with age. Men generally get better control as they grow older.
Does it matter?
Well, in most cases it does matter - because it makes people unhappy and frustrated. And in severe cases P.E. can threaten or even ruin a marriage - simply because it spoils the sex lives of both partners. Sometimes, the condition is so bad that the man cannot even manage to have intercourse because he invariably ejaculates before he can get into the vagina. This can be devastating for a man's self-confidence. And it can be hugely frustrating and annoying for his partner, too.
What causes it?
For many years, sex experts have tended to say that premature ejaculation is caused by early 'conditioning'. In other words, the man's early, rushed (and perhaps furtive) sexual experiences had to be quick - so as to avoid detection! The idea is that all this hectic 'rush' conditions him to climax as quickly as possible.
However surveys have found that many men with P.E. say that they did not have rushed, hasty early sexual experiences. They maintain that they were 'highly triggered' right from the start of their sex lives.
It's worth noting that from an evolutionary point of view, it's probable that throughout human history, males who climaxed quickly were more likely to have children. The tendency to reach orgasm quickly may actually be inherited rather than learned.
Finally, there's no question that anxiety (or 'nerves') plays a part in many cases of P.E. If you're nervous, you're likely to come too quickly.
Very mild cases
If you have very mild P.E. (for instance, if you can 'last' a good five minutes but would like to last 10) you should be able to improve matters by simple 'distraction techniques'. This means turning your mind to something else when you sense that a climax is near. For instance, you can:
- think very hard about something totally unconcerned with sex
- pinch yourself hard
- bite the pillow
More severe cases
If P.E. is causing more significant problems some form of psychotherapy may be appropriate. Hypnotherapy is particularly effective.